Bit of a strange one, this. I was most of the way back home yesterday, when a bloke gets onto the Tube complaining that someone just shoulder barged him. Fair enough, it’s annoying when that happens (it normally happens because people waiting on the platform don’t give people enough room to get off the train, but whatever).
But then he carries on. I have a quick glance and he’s on his own, so who knows who he’s talking to. And, just my luck, he decides to sit next to me – typically on a day when I decide to sit in one of the grouped seats, so when he puts his feet up on the seat opposite I’m trapped. Next to a crazy/drunk/bigoted northerner. Great…
Thankfully I had my earphones in, so he didn’t actively try to engage me in conversation – it just meant I could listen in to his mental rants quite easily.
According to him, half the Royal Family are paedophiles (in particular Philip and Edward), Charles is “as thick as shit” and Zara isn’t a Phillips (well, technically that’s correct as she’s now married to Mike Tindall), rather she’s Philip’s… Blimey, paedophilia and incest chat at 5.30pm on a Wednesday! Part of what made it funny (to me) was that he pronounced ‘paedophile’ the American way, so all I could think of from then on was Moss at the dinner party in the IT Crowd!
Next on his list: apparently people selling poppies are doing it because they don’t want to work for a living. Yeah, I can’t work that one out either!
Unnamed northerner thinks London is a “shithole” and he was glad to be going home to Sheffield.
Based on this, I’m not sure Sheffield will want him back…